Book Review: The Girls Who Went Away

Baby Boomers might vaguely remember that one girl in their class. In the middle of the year, she suddenly disappeared for a couple months. The excuses for her absence were varied. "She's studying art in Paris." "She's on bed rest for mono." "She's visiting relatives in Florida." Whatever the reason for her absence, she'd come back to school as quickly as she left. Though she was gone for months, she was reluctant to talk about what she did on her fantastic adventures. Sometimes, she would barely be the same girl that she was before she left.

Ann Fessler explores their stories in The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden Story of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade. Between the end of WWII in 1945 and the passing of Roe v. Wade in 1973, thousands of pregnant, unmarried teenaged girls were forced to give their babies up for adoption. Fessler, herself an adoptee, interviewed women about their experiences.

One of the first things that struck me was that this was a largely middle class phenomenon. Upper class girls came from families that could afford to pay a reputable doctor under the table for an abortion, or send their daughters on "vacation" to a country where abortion was legal. Lower class girls tended to come from communities where single mothers were common. They had no reputations worth losing. It was the middle class girls who had parents that could not afford to pay for abortions or lose their hard-earned status.

Many of these girls were sent to unwed mother homes. Others stayed in host homes and were treated as servants and free babysitters. Others were essentially prisoners in their own homes. One woman recounted how her parents forced her to never leave the house and avoid walking by windows when she was pregnant. When she went to the basement to get something and a neighbor dropped by unannounced, her mother locked her in the basement for two hours until the neighbor left.

Many of the women described this time as feeling like they were on an assembly line. The only direction to go was forward, and other people seized control of their lives. Their parents decided the girls were going to give up their babies for adoption, and the matter was settled. At the unwed mother homes, the girls were given almost no information on what was happening to their bodies, their legal rights after their babies were born, or resources that would help them if they wanted to raise the babies themselves. The girls were not treated as individuals, but rather conduits for giving babies to older couples. One woman was resistant to adoption until her counselor said, "One day, your son will be on the playground and another child will call him a bastard. Is that what you want?" The girl decided then that adoption was the better choice. Later in life, she joined a birth mother support group and found out that other girls had been told the same thing, literally word for word. The conversation that changed this woman's life had been nothing more than a script.

Quite a few woman faced lifelong problems as a result of their experience. Some decided never to have children again, feeling that it would be unfair to the child that they "gave up." Others had many more children to fill the void left by their first child. Some women entered abusive relationships, convinced that they didn't deserve anything better, while others had lifelong guilt and depression Health problems are rampant in women who were victims of the Baby Scoop Era. When looking at the psychological and physical problems experienced by these women, one can't help but draw a comparison to the anti-choice movement's (repeatedly disproven) claims that abortion causes health problems and depression. These birth mothers are experiencing real problems, but for the longest time they were denied the right to even acknowledge what they went through.

It's no contest--this is the saddest book I ever read. The stories are heartbreaking, and it makes me wonder how many women I encounter from that generation are carrying this pain inside of them. I have also learned that these unwed mother homes and strong-arm adoptions are not just the product of the past. According to Kathryn Joyce's article from The Nation, "Shotgun Adoption," many Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPCs) have relationships with Christian adoption agencies and unwed mother homes that funnel women to these agencies. For example, the CareNet location in Madison is connected with Elizabeth House. The ultimate goal of the CPC model is not just to use lies and scare tactics to convince women not to get abortions, but to coerce women into to placing their babies for adoption. Christian adoption agencies such as Bethany Christian Services, the nation's largest adoption agency, have been accused of withholding information on the mother's legal rights regarding adoption, lying about the availability of open adoption and counseling, luring the mothers to give birth in states that restrict birth parent rights, and refusing to connect women with resources if they ultimately decide to raise the child. These agencies call the mothers "saints" for "doing what's best for your child," but when the mother raises objections to how she is treated, they respond, "Well you should have thought of that before you spread your legs."

We have an anti-choice, anti-contraception governor who is committed to removing the Family Planning Waiver. If he succeeds, he will ensure that more women will face unplanned pregnancies and be at the mercy of these organizations. More than anything, I finished The Girls Who Went Away with a renewed commitment to fight so that women can continue to have access to accurate, non-biased information for every possible sexual, reproductive, and parenting choice. It is through access and information that women will be best equipped to make the decisions that are best for them and avoid the injustice that has afflicted a generation.

What would it be like.

Seems no one has had much time to blog lately, as I’m sure we have all been preoccupied with the unprecedented attack on citizen’s rights here in Wisconsin.

We cannot allow ourselves to compartmentalize such attacks as unrelated. Stupak on steroids (HR3), Walker’s budget repair bill, Ohio’s Senate Bill 5 - one attack after another on America by conservative extremists. Using the economic crisis as an opportunity to further a political agenda, radical conservatives seek to extend their influence and power by imposing absurd, unnecessary, and extreme economic cruelties. None dare mention taxation of corporations and the rich, making them finally pay their fair share, to meet an economic crisis they created. Instead, we the common people are told we must again carry the burden of their debt. All the remedies proposed by these extremists accomplish nothing towards balancing budgets or mitigating the economic crisis. We are told we must be stripped of social programs that seek to improve conditions for the average American. Programs that reduce crime and poverty provide jobs and opportunity. We are told we must accept the devastation of public education. We are told we must sacrifice our most basic rights as citizens. Stripping this nation of all that is humane, decent and just will not improve our situation or moved us closer to economic recovery. So what is the real goal? The goal would seem to be the creation of an ignorant, easily controlled electorate economically contained by poverty without access to information other than official conservative propaganda.

Let us think for a moment and imagine what it would be like to NOT have this constant struggle with our own government simply to maintain our basic rights. What would it be like to be able to devote the time, energy, and money wasted countering such assaults, on dealing with the real issues that now demand our attention? Issues like our economic situation, the creation of sustaining employment for our people, improving public education and creating accessible higher education, the eradication of poverty and ignorance, developing sustainable lifestyles and protecting our environment.

By continually revisiting the same unnecessary power struggles the ignorant and greedy of our society are holding back the true potential of this nation. Holding back the evolution of our society towards the fulfillment of humanity’s great promise. The founding premise of our National Character: all our citizens enjoying social, political, and economic equality.

It must be clear even to the most disinterested observer that such attacks on the American people are part of a coordinated effort across the nation to further the consolidation of wealth and political power into the hands of an oligarchy of the privileged few. The painful imbecility of the conservative extremists, the absurdity of their wealthy masters’ flawed notions of humanity and government simply defy description. But it represents the most significant threat to our national security this country has ever faced.

It is time to work towards the passage of laws forbidding tampering with the function of democratic government by the wealthy and by corporate special interests. Forbidding the transmission of lies, innuendo and falsehood as news or campaign ads. We must halt, and reverse the consolidation of wealth and deny it a strangle hold on democracy.

Dave